It’s been just over a year since my husband left his job as an accountant in the city.
Subconsciously we made the decision to put Aanya first despite the harsh reality of less income between the two of us a baby and business to support. I knew it would be hard and I guess I’m used to things being hard but the finances have not been the challenge.
People say that a husband and wife working in business together can either make or break you as a couple . Together we’ve been strong in the past but I honestly really had no idea how hard it would be for me. I was aware that too much change had occurred in our personal lives which had to be felt and dealt with before we moved on with the business but the discomfort, loneliness, lack of routine and uncertainty was for the most part of the year hard to bear for Anirban.
When you’ve been part of the corporate culture for most part of your life, somehow it feels very very uncomfortable to feel like you’re just hanging, not feeling the ground beneath you, not knowing when, what, how, when you’ve been told all your life exactly that. Anirban Roy was learning about who he was and who he wanted to be through his discomfort and peeling back the layers of conformity. We both felt those changes.
I developed an ulcer, went off the rails as I hardly recognised myself and became someone I didn’t anticipate becoming.
Hateful, resentful and lacking in focus as I felt constantly judged and challenged and distrusted. I felt completely disconnected to myself.
What has taken me years to become I felt was crumbling very quickly. I had to fight for my beliefs in my intuition and justify decisions regarding ‘my ‘ business. So I could fill the voids in Anirban’s multiple insecurities about everything.
What it has taken 10 years of learning buy doing and feeling can’t be taught to someone in a year especially someone who has been told what to do all his life.
Multiple breakdowns and slanging matches later Anirban is learning to feel rather than do, plan rather than react and respect one another’s needs and wants before business even begins. We spent money we didn’t have on things we did not need and spent time on things that didn’t need to be done on lessons that didn’t need to be learnt so Anirban could feel scared and feel frustrated and learn faster while I sat back and watched. Being busy and spending money are not the answer to how I wanted to grow the business. I’ve tried that, in what feels like a past life now.
All the while the one thing I had to cling onto was that I had married the best father I could possibly hope for and much to my surprise the gift of the one thing I have been struggling to find all my adult life. Balance.
Perhaps it was not just Anirban Roy who had to turn a corner perhaps it was me all along.
Whether Anirban sticks with Gia or not, right now it feels like this is just what I have been searching for, for a long time. Life doesn’t start at the weekend or when we have hit our targets it starts every moment of everyday that we hear the laughter of our little girl and continue our adventures together…
Wishing you Love, Adventure & Play